2/3

Best 2/3. You know when you are playing Rock, Paper, Scissors against someone for something and you play best two out of three? If you lose the first two, your opponent has already won, and there is no third game. I have had two serious relationships in my past. In both of them, the amazing women I was blessed with changed. We aren’t talking good, productive, life choices change here. This is “what the fuck just happened and why are you doing this” type change. One went from a meat eating, christian, non-drinker to a vegetarian drug addict and got married to someone else basically within a year. The other went from an extremely nice girl, more in love with me than I was with her, (I loved her a lot by the way,) to the kind of chick that doesn’t want you to know her friends. And she started lying…. a lot.

…If you lose the first two, your opponent has already won, and there is no third game. After about two and a half years, both of these women changed into monsters. I don’t blame them for everything. I can’t, I’ve said to both of them that an argument can’t exist with only one person. It’s never specifically one persons fault. I believe there is something about myself, some character trait, that causes women to eventually change directions. I am trying to make this sound as self-critical as possible. There is something in me that changes girls. Some chemical that they react with. I don’t entirely blame myself, because this isn’t chemistry, and every action is a choice of your own, but I will never say that I am blameless. I’ve lost both these women. I have failed to keep them with me. Not only that, but some part of me has changed them into shells of the beautiful people I knew them as. Not to say they are horrible now, they are just not who I fell in love with in the past. Seeing sporadic, unwanted and unexpected change in those closest to you is the hardest thing a person can go through. After these two losses, I feel that I have lost enough times to know better. And I really, really don’t want to do that to another amazing girl.

…If you lose the first two, your opponent has already won, and there is no third game. This girl is really my MO in women, too. As much of a puzzle as she is, I can clearly see that much. She’s exactly what I look for: great taste in music, appreciates literature, and still has remnants of her youthful innocence. That gives me pause more than anything else. No woman will truly be changed by me as effectively as one that is similar to the others. I worry for her well-being. The last thing this earth needs is another made-by-me monster.

But she’s so god damned amazing…