suicide

The number of cigarettes I have a day has increased dramatically. I'm at about 12-14 now. Spending so much time doing it, I think it's about time I analyze it.

When I started smoking, I smoked because Amanda never let me do it. It made me feel better to think that there was at least one "benefit" that came from the break up.

I kept smoking because I was depressed and wasn't strong enough to commit suicide.

I kept smoking because all my friends do it.

I kept smoking because I was used to being the judgmental asshole, but try smoking a cigarette in a public place, and see how everyone else reacts. It's a pretty swift role reversal.

I smoke now because I am addicted, and tonight, I will smoke purely for the suicide.

braveryk@gmail.com

If I wrote a book about my life, it would be called "Asshole."

I've been telling people, when they ask, that I'm an asshole for about a year now. Ever since I discovered that fact about myself. I find people deny it almost immediately, and dismiss the fact that I said it.

And I almost believed them. But times like this make me realize that I am. I mean, I really am. So when someone else tells you that they are an asshole, believe them. They know more about themselves than you do. Isn't that the point of life, thought, and intellect?