The number of cigarettes I have a day has increased dramatically. I'm at about 12-14 now. Spending so much time doing it, I think it's about time I analyze it.
When I started smoking, I smoked because Amanda never let me do it. It made me feel better to think that there was at least one "benefit" that came from the break up.
I kept smoking because I was depressed and wasn't strong enough to commit suicide.
I kept smoking because all my friends do it.
I kept smoking because I was used to being the judgmental asshole, but try smoking a cigarette in a public place, and see how everyone else reacts. It's a pretty swift role reversal.
I smoke now because I am addicted, and tonight, I will smoke purely for the suicide.
braveryk@gmail.com
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2 comments:
Don't kill yourself man. Its not worth it. Your life may be shit, but thats only for now. Someday you'll be happy again and you'll look back and realize how you almost blew it.
As for smoking no one gives a damn if you smoke. If you need it you do, you have bigger problems right now.
So you don't know me and I don't know you but today I just happened to be looking up images of Holden Caufield and Ive of course stumbled upon your blog. Maybe it's a coincidence, maybe not, but I happened to stumble on the particular blog where you and Amanda broke up. Maybe it's still a sensitive subject, maybe not... but you see, a few weeks ago, I went to see the girl I've been falling for and she told met she'd met someone and not to make things awkward but she was hoping we could be friends. And lord, I wasn't even in love with her, and that post killed me a bit. I'm sorry. My heart goes out to you... I know what Amanda's do to a persons heart.
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