I'm so sorry.

I have lost it.

I have lost my mind.

I have recently developed a severe case of emetophobia - the fear of vomiting.

I wake up every night and have panic attacks that can last anywhere from 30 minutes to 3 hours.

I hate myself.

I can't do anything anymore.

I can't ride in a car, I have to be driving. I can't work for more than five hours. I can't sleep. i can't eat without worrying about getting food poisoning. I can't drive in traffic. I can't go to theme parks, or drink soda. I can't laugh, it moves my stomach too much, and makes me worry. I can't enjoy a party. I'm taking more meds than I ever have in my life: Anxiolytics, vitamins, sometimes dramamine. I see the doctor monthly, I have an appointment with a GI Specialist on thursday, just in case any of the nausea is real.

Please someone help me. Please someone relate. Please someone take this away from me. Please God.

I feel alone. Foreign in my own house, my room, my own skin. I can't do this too much longer. It's hard. Impossible.

And I can't write while I'm panicking. I can't hardly think straight. Dear God, why is this happening? How did this happen?